The Problem With Being Sex Positive
Sex is a wonderful thing. It lowers blood pressure, makes us feel closer to those who know us most intimately and it’s a viable form of exercise. For some of us, an exclusive bond is not necessary in order to have sex. For men, this isn’t a problem, in fact, it’s encouraged and celebrated to have as much sex with the widest variety of people possible. Women on the other hand, face all kinds of abuse for taking on the same attitude as men. And that’s a problem. Double standards regarding sexual roles based on gender, hurt men and women alike, because it forces adults to act in ways that are unnatural for them and keeps both parties from expressing themselves in ways that are natural and healthy for them.
If you’re a woman, with a desire to get down and leave afterwards with nary a regret or obligation to seriously date your paramours, people are ready to stick you with pitchforks and wait for you outside your bedroom. All men, contrary to popular belief don’t want to have sex all the time. Putting men and women into boxes that were never met to fit them in the first place, keeps people acting out roles where they are not being true to themselves. And who does that benefit in the long run? Take it from my dude Keith Sweat and repeat after me…NOBODY!
And in this day in age of 24/7 access to anybody’s life, via social media, don’t dare be a woman who likes sex and flaunts that fact in public, because if anyone sexually assaults that woman, it’s her fault.
Case in point, a woman, only known as Jane Doe, accused basketball player Derrick Rose and two of his friends of gang raping her, after months of refusing Rose’s request for Skype and group sex.
Jane Doe declined to file charges for two years, because was concerned her “conservative family” would find out.
Admittedly, there are some instances in this case that give me pause. For one: Why wait two years to bring charges against the alleged assailants. If Ms. Doe felt these men victimized her after she repeatedly refused requests for group sex, then that’s plenty motivation to get the law involved immediately, in my opinion.
Reservations none withstanding, the prosecution’s attempt to smudge Doe’s character by mentioning her sexually suggestive social media accounts, does nothing to look at this case in a fair and objective manner. It paints the plaintiff as a wonton woman who is incapable of being raped. And that’s the real danger: Women can be sexual, but at their own risk. If they are assaulted, humiliated, or worse: murdered, it’s their fault.
Moving forward, the best thing we can do is give women and men the space to handle their sexuality responsibly and authentically [not putting themselves or others in danger] and not take away their humanity because they want what we all want - a connection, no matter how temporary or long-term it may be.