I Don't Eff With Youuuuu.

Every time I try to step outside of my comfort zone, I am challenged on why I should not. Of course, that is no reason to try, but I keep getting tested.

I left my house to get some fresh air and meet new people. Days hunched over a laptop is terrible for one’s posture and social skills.

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Never in my life has this experience validated my current life choices. I work, I hustle to get new clients, improve my skills as a one-woman producer and editor and I only hang out with strangers in the day time or my day ones, at anytime.

I figured why don’t go out and be amongst the crowd? At the very least, I could read “Rise of the Warrior Cop” and feed my bookish tendencies in a group full of people. Worst case scenario, I’d have a story to tell.

Guess which one happened?

I walked into the dive bar and the bouncer greeted me with a “It’s a slow night.” I was happy to hear that – every night doesn’t have to be jumpin’, jumpin’ like Destiny’s child.

Shortly after I settled into my drink, a man introduced himself. Usually, I’d want to be alone because people are weird but I figured that because I went out to be social, I’d give him a chance.

Why did I do that?!

From the jump, this man was ignorant and pretended to not hear anything I said, so he could sit as close to me as possible. We even got into a disagreement about me choosing the song on the jukebox. Everything with this person was about control and asserting his dominance in the most obnoxious way possible.

And why do people with bad breath want to speak with you closely? Why – breath smells like diarrhea and he’s trying to kick game. Boy, bye.

However, as women, we are not often afforded the opportunity to be assertive without consequence. I could have firmly told him to back up, but that would have enraged this inebriated person, leaving me vulnerable to bodily damage. Instead, I was polite, but subtly put space in between us, even turning down an invitation to his car.

Ladies, don’t be afraid to get up and leave when it’s clear that this person isn’t just quirky, they’re downright dangerous.

After I rebuffed his advances one last time, by suggesting that he was the type of man to force himself on strippers because of what they do for a living, he put his head in his hands, trying to suppress his tantrum. In that moment, I knew it was time to leave. I don’t have time to catch a beat down by an unstable person.

As I booked it to my car, the bouncer asked me why I was leaving so early and if that guy had scared me away. I’m not surprised that I knew who he was talking about. As I turned the corner, the bouncer shouted – “Aww man, that was the sixth person he’s done that too all night!”

This is why I keep to myself, ladies and gentlemen.

As I drove away, I thanked God that the only thing that was assaulted were my nostrils. I vowed to myself that night to hang out in better places, or stay home.